This is the finale I would close the series on.
I'm writing this in intervals whenever I get the time, but this time I want to finish this one, because I aim to prove that a decent Saints Row game can still be made, and not stray to far from it's roots, while also incorporating aspests of more resent games in the series... Not much from the reboot though.
Brief Description:
After the events of GOOH. Gat is now ruler of Hell, and the remaining Saints and Jezebel are in search of a new home. Unfortunately, one remaining Zin Ship hunts them down and blows up their ship. The Saints... Are dead, and their journey would be over, but they awake in Purgatory. Curious about why they're not in either Heaven or Hell, they are greeted by Lin and Carlos representing Heaven, with Gat and Vogel representing Hell. They explain that because of their "unique" journey from murderous street thugs, to avenging Earth, God and Gat are unable to assign them a fate, so they have decided to assign a fate based on what they do while in Purgatory. And so their final chapter has begun.
Purgatory:
The city of Purgatory was created when Earth was destroyed. Since there were too many new applicants for Heaven and Hell to process, people started to make a living right here in Purgatory.
There are two islands, one north and one south. They are both made up of several districts.
North Island:
This entire island has a slightly heavenly atmosphere to it.
Sanctuary:
Once a vibrant woodland forest full of unique and loveable creatures... Until the Nuclear Plant was built. This district takes up most of the West side of the island.
- Robin Wood
- Stonefalls
- Rodriguez Reactors
Heaven's Gate Beach:
This is the main beach on the North Island, on the North side of the island and has a nice view of Heaven's Golden Gates.
- Beach View Apartments
- Heavenly Hotels
- Heaven's Gate Theme Park
Downtown Purgatory:
Even in the afterlife, you still can't escape those overcrowded sidewalks and rush hour traffic. This cramped collection of towers and office buildings sits in the Centre and South section of the island.
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital
- Purgatory Radio Station
The Pit:
A mining quarry that was used to see if Purgatory had any minable resources... It did not... Which kinda begs the question of how this city was even built in the first place. This district takes up the East side of the island.
- Doug's Construction Company
- North Island Docks
- Abandoned Quarry
South Island:
This entire island has a slightly hellish atmosphere to it.
Suburbs:
Affordable housing comes with the price of living in the sinful half of the city. This district takes up the West side of the island.
- The Slums
- Ocean View
- High Ground
Purgatory Canal:
Spread wide across the North side of the island, this district offers nightclubs, bars, strip clubs, a big arena and lots of other attractions that are both entertaining but sinful.
- The Vogel Dome
- Red Light Waterfront
- Pub Crawl
Ultor Compound:
Gotta house those warehouses and factories somewhere. This district takes up the Central part of the island.
- Ultor Storage
- Ultor Labs
- Ultor Test grounds
Hell's Drop Beach:
This is the main beach on the South Island, on the South side of the island and has a sudden drop straight to Hell in place of the water. There's even a boardwalk that extends out over the pit to Hell to give you a view of your life in Hell.
- Ultor Casino Strip
- Hellish Hotels
- Hell's View Boardwalk
Overflow:
Hell didn't process these applicants fast enough, now they've created their own slice of Hell in Purgatory. This district takes up the East side of the island.
- Vogel's Estate
- Den of the Damned
- Fast Fried
Stores:
Leather & Lace:
The number one clothing store for both demons and angels alike.
Locations in:
- Red Light Waterfront
Let's Pretend:
Because it just wouldn't be Saints Row if you couldn't go on a killing spree as some wacky mascot.
Locations in:
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
Nobody Wants Me:
Well both Heaven and Hell said no, and that's why you're in Purgatory.
Locations in:
- Ocean View
Planet Purgatory:
Don't worry, it's not all white robes and fuzzy slippers.
Locations in:
- Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital
- The Vogel Dome
Branded:
Because even in the afterlife, everything is... Branded.
Locations in:
- Heaven's Gate Theme Park
Impressions:
You do wanna look your best, right?
Locations in:
- Purgatory Radio Station
Sunova Beach:
Finally a place to purchase quality beachwear.
Locations in:
- Hell's View Boardwalk
Donnie's:
Sorry, no Rim Jobs or Jim Robs, we're giving Donnie the spotlight for this one.
Locations in:
- Beach View Apartments
- Abandoned Quarry
- High Ground
- Den of the Damned
Friendly Fire:
Is there any better way to get the latest and greatest in self defence weaponry?
Locations in:
- Robin Wood
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- The Slums
- Ultor Test grounds
Brass Harps:
Hey, we just sell Heavenly decorations, if you choose to use them as melee weapons, that's your business.
Locations in:
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- Ultor Test grounds
Solar Power:
Heavenly vehicles at Hellish prices.
Locations in:
- Purgatory Radio Station
- The Vogel Dome
Rusty's Needle:
Gotta get those Purgatory tats.
Locations in:
- North Island Docks
- Pub Crawl
Imagine A Design:
It's the afterlife, why not change your looks?
Locations in:
- Stonefalls
- Doug's Construction Company
- Red Light Waterfront
- Fast Fried
Cribs:
Storage Unit 31:
With no empire and nowhere to live, Dane is kind enough to give the Saints a Storage Warehouse in Ultor Storage. It's big enough for all of them to claim a space and even make improvements and expansions as they rebuild their empire. They have an attached Garage to access collected vehicles. After a few upgrades, there will be a Helipad on the rooftop to access collected helicopters and jets.
South Island Docks:
Mainly a place to store collected boats, but there is a small Storage Unit that the Boss has converted into a living space, and also has a parking space to access collected vehicles. This Crib is in The Slums.
Sinners Suite:
The Heron Hotel has returned, they now have a Hotel in the North Beach, and the South Beach. This is the South Beach Penthouse in Hellish Hotels. It has a "Hellish" view... These puns are getting so overused in this game. A parking space out front for collected vehicles, and a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets.
North Island Docks:
Mainly a place to store collected boats, but there is a small Storage Unit that the Boss has converted into a living space, and also has a parking space to access collected vehicles. This Crib is in North Island Docks.
Saints Suite:
The Heron Hotel has returned, they now have a Hotel in the North Beach, and the South Beach. This is the North Beach Penthouse in Heavenly Hotels. It has a "Heavenly" view... Seriously why did I pick the Heaven vs Hell theme? A parking space out front for collected vehicles, and a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets.
Rodriguez Reactors:
This is obviously a Campaign earned Crib after defeating "The Fallen Brothers" Arc. The Nuke Plant is demolished and replaced with a Saints Tower with included penthouse. There's an underground Garage for collected vehicles, a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets, and a Docking Port for collected boats.
Upgrade System:
Homies & Outfits:
Aisha:
3rd Street Celebrity
Asha Odekar:
MI6
3rd Street Formal
Bloodlust
Mercykill
Benjamin King:
Vice Kings
Chief of Staff
Hell Kings
Heaven Kings
Carlos Mendoza:
3rd Street Saints
Shoulder Angel
Dane Vogel:
Ultor
Shoulder Demon
Dexter "Dex" Jackson:
3rd Street Saints
Donnie (Vehicle Delivery):
Westside Rollerz
Brotherhood
ETD
Jezebel:
Satan's Daughter
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Demon
3rd Street Angel
Johnny Gat:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Johnny Satan
Julius Little:
3rd Street Saints
Kinzie Kensington:
Ponygirl
FBI Jacket
Kinky Kitten
FBI Tank Top
Teacup
Demonic Dom
Saintly Sub
Lin:
Westside Rollerz
3rd Street Saints
God's Messenger
Luz Avalos:
Los Carnales
Matt Miller:
Deckers
3rd Street Formal
Mod Lord
Hack Lord
Pierce Washington:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Paul
Heaven's PR Manager
Shaundi:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Violet Vixen
Heavenly Hippie
Tammy Tolliver:
Channel 6 News
Veteran Child:
Sons of Samedi
Purgatory Radio
Zimos:
Steelport Pimp
Safe word Pony
Hell's Pimp
Heaven's Romance Manager
Weapons:
Vehicles:
Gangs/Factions:
The Fallen Brothers:
Led by Maero and Victor Rodriguez
Queen of Sins:
Led by Tanya Winters
Ex-Gen:
Led by Mr. Sunshine
Angels of the North:
An angelic task force assigned to patrol the north half of Purgatory
Demons of the South:
A demonic task force assigned to patrol the south half of Purgatory
Bad/Good Deeds: (Activities)
Insurance Fraud/Safety Test:
Mayhem/Demolition:
Escort/Tour Guide:
Heli Assault/Guardian Angel:
Trafficking/Repentance:
Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing:
Snatch/Saviour:
Fight Club/Proving Grounds:
Demo Derby/Crash Test:
Favors: (Diversions)
Streamlined Processing:
God and Gat have too many applicants to process. So they invented a gun that lets you decide whether you want to send someone to Heaven, or doom them in Hell. (Essentially the new iteration of Hitman/Assassinations, but with game effecting results)
Store Hacks:
Just like in SRTT & SRIV, stores can be hacked to gain discounts and income. But your job is to defend the store while Kinzie hacks them.
Chop Shop:
I mean, I really don't need to explain this one, it is what it is. It's a feature that just seems to work in every Saints Row game, so why not bring it back?
Lost Harps:
The angels need to be more careful with their harps, they keep accidentally dropping them down into Purgatory. They've finally lost enough of them that God is refusing to replace them, Lin would appreciate it if you could hunt them out and collect for her (Collectibles basically)
Demon Survival:
Who keeps summoning Demons into Purgatory? Just fight them off until Gat can close the portals to stop them coming through. (New iterations of the Wave, Timed, and Kill Count Survivals)
Payback:
The Saints managed to get jobs protecting local businesses from the Gangs of Purgatory, but these businesses sometimes need a little "reminder" to pay their protection money.
Tagging:
If the Saints are going to live in Purgatory for while, they may as well make their mark on the land.
Pony Cart Service:
Sometimes all you have to do is give people a nice ride through the city in a horse and cart... Or a Zimos and Cart. But keep the enemy Gang's Pony Carts from ruining your customer's experience.
Homie Quests:
All conversations are phone calls between the Boss and the specific Homie.
Asha's Mission:
Boss: What's up?
Asha: For a place that's supposed to be a neutral ground until your fate is decided, there's a lot of corruption going on.
Boss: Have you ever met the human race before?
Asha: I just feel like we could clean this place up a little, you know?
Boss: Well, if you've got any suggestions, I'm all ears.
Asha: Ok then, lets start off with one of those Demon Portals, those are causing a lot of chaos for the city.
- Demon Survival
Asha: Are you in the mood for a fight?
Boss: Excuse you?
Asha: Not with me, the Proving Grounds are holding a competition to see who is worthy of a VIP ticket to Heaven.
Boss: You don't want it yourself?
Asha: Well, I could take it, but I'm pretty sure I don't need one to get into Heaven, you though...?
Boss: Very funny, if I win, you can have the ticket, I'm getting into Heaven my own way.
Asha: How very generous of you.
Boss: Yeah, that's why I'm doing this... Just make sure you don't lose the ticket.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 1
- Reward: Asha Homie (in MI6 outfit)
Asha: Look, I don't normally approve of this type of behaviour, but the pawn shop still has not payed my protection money, and it's way overdue.
Boss: I'll take care of it.
Asha: Just don't kill them, yeah?
- Payback
Asha: I think I've located a Lost Harp, if the angels get their harps back I'm sure the heavenly music will calm the streets of Purgatory.
Boss: I'm on it.
- Lost Harps
Asha: I don't understand it myself, but if it keeps the citizens in a positive state of mind, then who am I to stop them.
Boss: I'll call Zimos.
- Pony Cart Service
Asha: It's round 2 of the Proving Grounds. Are you ready?
Boss: Oh, that's today, I completely forgot.
Asha: What!?
Boss: (Laughs) Got you. I'm always ready for a fight.
Asha: Very funny, just try not to die.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 2
- Reward: Asha 3rd Street Formal
Asha: Looks like Tammy Tolliver is on the Streamlined Processing list... Let's see what fate you think she deserves?
Boss: Oh god. You're gonna judge me for this, I just know it.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Tammy Tolliver Homie
Asha: That car looks so familiar, would you mind recovering it for me?
Boss: I'm not sure about this. You don't have the best history with vehicles.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: MI6 Justice
Asha: Ok, I'm giving you this canvas to improve morale for this city, don't make things worse.
Boss: For you, I'll "Saint-ify" that wall with my best work.
Asha: Oh dear, what have done?
- Tagging
Asha: Final round. Are you sure you're ready this time?
Boss: That ticket is ours.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 3
Asha: I found another portal, would you mind kicking the demons back through it?
Boss: I'm on my way.
- Demon Survival
Asha: Wow, the city is looking better already.
Boss: You're welcome.
Asha: Listen, I picked out a new outfit for my new life in Purgatory, I hope it looks good.
- Reward: Asha Bloodlust or Mercykill (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Vice Kings The Game:
Boss: So... Gonna try for a new book here in Purgatory?
King: Nah, even better. This time I'm going for a video game.
Boss: Why?
King: Why not, my books flew off the shelves like donuts in a precinct. So at this point I can create anything and the fans will buy it.
Boss: Oh god, here we go again.
King: Hey, let's get the fans attention with an eye-catching canvas.
Boss: This seems like a really bad idea.
- Tagging
King: Ok, let's make a trailer that shows a lot of action with very little context.
Boss: Are you at least going to tell them the name of the game?
King: Sure, I'll add it at the end.
Boss: Oh dear.
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 1
- Reward: King Homie (in Chief of Staff outfit)
King: Ok, the fans seem confused.
Boss: I wonder why?
King: Maybe we should showcase some actual gameplay or something.
Boss: Good, now you're on the right track.
King: I'm thinking somethin' small, with lots of gunfire and explosions.
Boss: Oh dear.
- Payback
King: The fans want more.
Boss: Of course they do. You've shown them nothing.
King: Well, let's give them some character profiles or something. I think Julius is around here somewhere, go talk to him.
Boss: F*ck me!
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Julius Little Homie
King: Ok, let's showcase something that seems like a big part of the game, but turns out to be a very minimal feature.
Boss: You have got to be kidding me.
- Lost Harps
King: They want another trailer.
Boss: Good, this time we sh...
King: I'll just reuse most of the first trailer, with like, 10% new footage.
Boss: Can I quit?
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 2
- Reward: King Vice Kings
King: We're losing the fans! Quick, let's get some fan service in there!
Boss: (Sigh)
- Pony Cart Service
King: Ok, let's show 'em some real gameplay.
Boss: Finally.
King: Like a Diversion or something.
Boss: F*ck!
- Demon Survival
King: Uh... I'm running out of ideas here, let's show off some Chop Shop gameplay.
Boss: Why?
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Tanya's Status Quo
King: Ok, one more trailer, then I'll just have to let the game speak for itself.
Boss: Ok, but this time...
King: 5% new footage.
Boss: Why do I bother?
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 3
King: Ok, I think I can save the game.
Boss: Please do tell me what amazing idea you have to save this game?
King: Cut it up and sell the cut parts as DLC.
Boss: F*ck this, I'm just gonna go kill some demons.
- Demon Survival
Boss: So, how did it go?
King: Bad, but maybe I can recoup some of my losses by selling one of my old outfits. I just hope Purgatory has some nice threads on offer.
- Reward: King Hell Kings or Heaven Kings (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Donnie's Discount:
Boss: So, you've made a living here in Purgatory?
Donnie: Well, it's either go to Hell and deal with Maero and Sharp, or go to Heaven and deal with Lin.
Boss: I thought you and Lin had something going on?
Donnie: Yeah, but after you killed Maero, I moved to Steelport and started seeing someone new.
Boss: And her name was...?
Donnie: Uh, Kiki something.
Boss: Oh my god, Kiki DeWynter, she's in Hell, Gat told me about her.
Donnie: Ok listen, if you promise to keep this between us, I'll help you take over Purgatory.
Boss: You got a deal.
Donnie: Ok, first things first though. Jessica refuses to pay for the repairs I did to her car, so the car is mine until she pays.
Boss: I'm on it.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Jessica's Phoenix
Donnie: Maero's crew are attacking my garage!
Boss: I'll be right there.
- Store Hack (Donnie's in High Ground)
- Reward: Donnie Homie (in Westside Rollerz outfit)
Donnie: Hey, does that street look familiar to you?
Boss: I've seen a lot of streets Donnie.
Donnie: Yeah, but this one seems... Wait, is that a Westside Rollerz tag?
Boss: Oh god... Not this shit again.
- Tagging (Re-enactment of "The Streets Of Stilwater" cutscene, but this time the Boss steps in and fights all 3 gangs, then completes the tag)
- Reward: Vice Kings Gang Customization
- Reward: Westside Rollerz Gang Customization
- Reward: Los Carnales Gang Customization
Donnie: Uh, some guy just came into my garage and asked if I offered "Pony Cart rides"?
Boss: Oh you sweet innocent soul, send him my way.
- Pony Cart Service
Donnie: I found one of the demon portals, Gat told me to call you.
Boss: Let's have some fun.
- Demon Survival
Donnie: Tanya's crew are all over my garage!
Boss: Yeah yeah, I'll be there soon.
- Store Hack (Donnie's in Beach View Apartments)
- Reward: Donnie Brotherhood
Donnie: You think maybe Lin will forgive me if I help her find her Harps?
Boss: Not likely, but if you've found one, it would really help me out a lot.
- Lost Harps
Donnie: Found another demon portal.
Boss: Murder time, fun time.
- Demon Survival
Donnie: So there's a rival garage moonlighting as a pawn shop. They think I haven't noticed them, but I know what's going on. Think you could run them out of business?
Boss: It would be my pleasure.
- Payback
Donnie: So, the rival garage must have known my location, they sent Sunshine's crew after me!
Boss: Don't panic, I'll be there soon.
- Store Hack & Donnie Rescue (Donnie's in Abandoned Quarry)
Donnie: Looks like Luz got stuck in the queue for processing. Wanna give her a hand?
Boss: Well, it would give us a chance to catch up.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Luz Homie
Donnie: I gotta admit, being on the Saints side has really been a positive experience compared to my time in the Rollerz and Brotherhood.
Boss: I did give you the option to join the Saints.
Donnie: Yeah, but then you got blown up on a yacht and the rest of the crew got wiped out.
Boss: Yeah, but did you really think that would stop us from rising again... And again... And ag...
Donnie: Ok I get it. So is it too late to join the Saints?
Boss: It's never too late to join the Saints.
- Reward: Donnie ETD
Jezebel's New Path:
Boss: Hi Jez, what's up?
Jez: I can't go back to New Hades. I'm finally free to choose my own path, and I wanna make it into Heaven.
Boss: Well, that's what this life's all about. I'll follow your lead, just tell me where to start.
Jez: Well, I know Lin's still missing a few Harps, I think I found one somewhere, just let me check.
- Lost Harps
Jez: I want to help save as many people as possible, and I know just how to do it.
Boss: I'm all ears.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 1
- Reward: Jezebel Homie (in Satan's Daughter outfit)
Jez: Surely some inspirational wall art won't stop me from getting into Heaven, right?
Boss: There's only one way to find out.
- Tagging
Jez: It looks like Aisha wanted to visit Gat in Hell, but she couldn't get past the line of the "soon to be" damned. I doubt she wants to be stuck in Purgatory, so either send her back to Heaven, or send her down to Gat, it's up to you.
Boss: You think she'd get a VIP pass or something.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Aisha Homie
Jez: Ooh, is that an Attrazione? I've always wanted one of those.
Boss: To take it would be stealing.
Jez: I'm pretty sure it's already stolen.
Boss: well, if you're sure.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Price's Attrazione
Jez: Ready to convert the citizens of Purgatory again?
Boss: You make it sound so "preachy" when you say it like that.
Jez: Still?
Boss: I'm on my way.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 2
- Reward: Jezebel 3rd Street Saints
Jez: Oh god! Dex is leading a group of demons through a portal!
Boss: I'm on it!
- Demon Survival (Featuring Dex)
Jez: Uh, my pawn shop didn't pay my protection money, what do I do?
Boss: I'll take care of it, just don't ask how I do it.
Jez: Thanks.
- Payback
Jez: Aw, that's cute, there's a pony riding service in Purgatory, can I go for a pony ride?
Boss: Uh... I don't think it's what you think it is.
Jez: So... You don't get to ride a pony?
Boss: Geez, for someone born and raised in Hell, you sure seem to have a certain level of innocence to you.
- Pony Cart Service (featuring Jezebel as the passenger)
Jez: I've got one more chance to save as many citizens as I can, will you help me please?
Boss: Sure thing.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 3
Jez: Dex is back again.
Boss: Not for long.
- Demon Survival (Featuring Dex)
Jez: Hey, I got myself a new look, What do you think?
- Reward: Jezebel 3rd Street Demon or 3rd Street Angel (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Gat or Lin?:
Gat: Hey Playa, we gotta talk.
Lin: Yeah, this is really important.
Boss: Ok.
Gat: You're in charge of your own fate, and we can't change that. But unfortunately only one of us can "hang out" with you in Purgatory.
Boss: Oh.
Lin: Yeah, so that will be decided by how you complete our set of tasks we have for you.
Boss: And there's no way to have you both join me here?
Gat: Nope... Not unless someone is able to "modify" Purgatory's rules in some way.
Boss: Ok then, where do we begin?
Lin: I think I've found one of the missing harps, but it's deep in demon territory, would you mind retrieving it for me?
- Lost Harps
Gat: So we've already gave you that gun to decide people's fate, but this method will allow you to process multiple people at one time. Don't have too much fun.
Boss: Let's do it.
- Snatch/Saviour Level 1
- Reward: Lin Homie (in Westside Rollerz outfit) or Gat Homie (in 3rd Street Saints outfit) (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Lin: I don't know who thinks it's funny to keep opening these portals, but it's not making our jobs any easier. Could you help Gat close it please?
- Demon Survival
Gat: Listen, I agreed to keep this pawn shop in business, so long as they kept paying me. But I'm still waiting on my payment, if you can't "convince" them to pay with cash, then they can pay with their souls.
- Payback
Lin: Don't ask me how, but someone in Purgatory stole one of Heaven's chariots (Unique The Job). Think you can get it back for me? I'll even let you borrow it as a reward.
Boss: Heaven yes!
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Heaven's Chariot
Gat: More people to process.
- Snatch/Saviour Level 2
- Reward: Lin 3rd Street Saints or Gat 3rd Street Celebrity (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Lin: Well since you're determined to take over Purgatory before moving on, here's a wall you can tag for the Saints.
Boss: I'll get my spray paint.
- Tagging
Gat: I found my missing demons, could you help me close the portal?
- Demon Survival
Lin: How did I end up with this task?
Gat: We flipped a coin.
Lin: Fine, just call Zimos and "saddle up". I'm supposed to represent Heaven, I can't be associated with this.
Boss: What are you two talking about?
- Pony Cart Service
Gat: I got the last group of people to process... I probably should have pointed out that this system was still in beta, and not all people may have deserved the fate you chose at the start of this quest.
Boss: you're f*cking with me, right?
- Snatch/Saviour Level 3
Lin: Ok, looks like I found another...
Gat: Hold up Lin, we got a problem.
Boss: What's up?
Gat: Dex escaped Hell and is roaming around Purgatory. You gotta stop him.
Boss: How do I send him back to Hell?
Gat: Use the gun we gave you.
Lin: Just don't send him to Heaven, I don't need that much paperwork right now.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Dex Homie
Gat: Ok, my bad. I totally f*cked up the group processing idea, so... I guess you do get to hang out with both of us.
Lin: See you in Purgatory.
- Rewards: Lin & Gat Homies (with all outfits)
Self Reflection:
Boss: Hey Kinzie, just wanted to check in with you. I know you probably weren't prepared for this eventuality.
Kinzie: Well... Yeah. I was so invested in technology and science, that I didn't even consider the idea of an "afterlife". I'm totally lost. For once in my life I'm not in control, I don't have my technology, and I have to alter my behaviour if I want to go to heaven.
Boss: No you don't.
Kinzie: Uh, I'm pretty sure I do.
Boss: No, it's not about believing in religion over science, or being a "good" person, all you have to do is live a life worth living by your own standards.
Kinzie: So, as long as I feel as though my life had meaning, then I'm doing it right?
Boss: Yes.
Kinzie: Then it's time to let Kinzie be Kinzie.
Boss: Oh, this may have been a mistake.
- Pony Cart Service (featuring Kinzie as the Ponygirl)
Kinzie: Ok, I've built a computer and designed an operating system, it's time for me to get back in the game.
Boss: Oh, not that MMO you always play, World of Legends was it?
Kinzie: No, I mean it's time to hack into all the stores in Purgatory giving us shares and discounts to give us more income.
Boss: Woah, I'm not sure that's entirely what I meant by...
Kinzie: All the current stockholders are thugs and ruthless businessmen... So it's not entirely unjustified to give these people a lesson on humility.
Boss: Wow, you've really thought this through.
Kinzie: Yep, now let's start off with Brass Harps.
Boss: You hack, while I defend?
Kinzie: Yep, it's a biker gang, so just don't let them kidnap me.
Boss: You know you'd love it.
- Store Hack (Brass Harps in Ultor Test Grounds)
Kinzie: I gotta ask, why did you never put up gang tags in Steelport?
Boss: Well, as celebrities, we felt it was beneath us. Why put up tags when we could put up billboards, and stores in our brand?
Kinzie: Well, it's time to start over and go back to basics.
Boss: You know, at this point it almost feels nostalgic.
- Tagging
Kinzie: Here's a name you're familiar with, especially after Virtual Steelport.
Boss: Let me guess, "Friendly Fire"?
Kinzie: Yep.
Boss: I just hope there's not a lot of them in this city too.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Ultor Test Grounds)
Kinzie: I know Lin is still looking for her lost Harps, so I used the traffic cameras to hunt one down.
Boss: It seems like you've got your groove back Kinzie.
Kinzie: You know it.
- Lost Harps
Kinzie: Thanks for the help, and uh, I've decided to take your advice on "living my life by my standards"... So uh, since we're in the afterlife already, I've got an outfit I've always wanted to wear outdoors.
Boss: You lived in Steelport, people wore this stuff in public all the time.
Kinzie: Yeah, but now that I'm dead, I don't need to talk if I don't want to.
Boss: Oh, you're wearing the ball gag, at least I'll get some peace and quiet then.
- Reward: Kinzie Homie (in Ponygirl outfit)
Hack & Slash:
Kinzie: Ok, hacking the stores in the Ultor Test Grounds was just the beginning.
Boss: Oh no. I feel another Virtual Steelport flashback coming on... It's just a simulation, just a simulation.
Kinzie: Relax. We're both dead now, so this is not another simulation, it's a life between the overworld and the afterlife, that raises questions that simply can't be answered without destroying the entire concept of existence.
Boss: I take it back, this is not a simulation, it's a f*cking nightmare!
Kinzie: Just calm down and hack this store for me.
- Store Hack (Rusty's Needle in North Island Docks)
Kinzie: How would you like a discount on the best vehicles this city has to offer?
Boss: Sounds great... But I still need the money to afford them in first place.
Kinzie: Well, at least the discount will be there when you have the money to buy them.
Boss: Well, I guess it is good to think ahead.
- Store Hack (Solar Power in Purgatory Radio Station)
Kinzie: Well, not that I advocate having affordable rifles in a nature preserve...
Boss: I think the nuke plant already wiped out the wildlife in there.
Kinzie: Then let's make Victor Rodriguez pay with his share of Friendly Fire.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Robin Wood)
Kinzie: Not that I'm suggesting anything, but... Here's an Imagine A Design to hack.
Boss: (Sarcastic) Thanks for the confidence boost Kinzie.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Stonefalls)
Kinzie: You're here to make an impression right?
Boss: Yeah?
Kinzie: Well... Here's a clothing store to hack.
Boss: Oh come on, you missed a chance for several "Impressions" puns there.
Kinzie: Just hack the store.
- Store Hack (Impressions in Purgatory Radio Station)
- Reward: Kinzie FBI Jacket
Hacker Heaven:
Kinzie: Well, let's see if we can rebrand Planet Purgatory to Planet Saints.
Boss: Wait... We can do that?
Kinzie: If you help me hack into it, sure.
Boss: Damn, bringing the Saints brand into Purgatory, I like the sound of that.
Kinzie: Well, just keep Tanya's thugs from interfering and Planet Purgatory will be ours.
- Store Hack (Planet Purgatory in Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital)
Kinzie: Have you ever noticed that Doug's construction workers all look like clones?
Boss: You think it has something to do with the Imagine A Design in their Neighbourhood?
Kinzie: My thoughts exactly.
Boss: You think Doug's workers will try to stop you from hacking the store?
Kinzie: Think you can handle it?
Boss: Piece of cake.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Doug's Construction Company)
Kinzie: Ok, the Clouds Fare Shopping Centre is a gold mine for owning shares of popular stores.
Boss: Who'll be trying to stop us?
Kinzie: For Brass Harps you'll need to watch out for the Angels of the North.
Boss: Got it.
- Store Hack (Brass Harps in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
Kinzie: Let's take Friendly Fire from the Demons of the South.
Boss: Woah, I thought they were exclusive to the south island?
Kinzie: Not when it comes to store investments.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
Kinzie: Uh... Looks like you'll be up against mascots and furries for this store.
Boss: (Sarcastic) Oh fun.
Kinzie: Just don't let the furries defeat you, otherwise you'll become one.
Boss: How do you know that?
Kinzie: Let's just focus on the store please.
- Store Hack (Let's Pretend in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
- Kinzie in the Kinky Kitten outfit
Hacked Up:
Kinzie: Ok, we've got one more store left on the North Island before we move onto the South Island.
Boss: What is it? A Friendly Fire? Planet Purgatory? Imagine A Design?
Kinzie: No, actually it's Branded.
Boss: Oh, wow... That's a name I haven't heard since Stilwater. I wonder if they still sell those Canvas Pants?
- Store Hack (Branded in Heaven's Gate Theme Park)
Kinzie: Let's start this island with Solar Power.
Boss: Doesn't Vogel own that dealership?
Kinzie: Nope. He owns the dome, but not the dealership. Maero owns this one.
Boss: Oh great. It was bad enough fighting Ex-Gen over Solar Power.
Kinzie: Try not to...
Boss: Die? You know that's impossible right?
Kinzie: Ok, but you will respawn at the nearest hospital and lose your progress with the current objective.
Boss: So there's just no 4th wall at all anymore.
Kinzie: Yeah, reality is definitely an illusion for us now.
- Store Hack (Solar Power in The Vogel Dome)
Kinzie: Wanna go shopping?
Boss: Kinzie, be honest. Do you not want me anymore?
Kinzie: What, just because I'm sending you to a store named "Nobody Wants You"?
Boss: It's "Me", "Nobody Wants Me".
Kinzie: That's what I said.
Boss: Kinzie, when we're done here, I'm going to torture you.
Kinzie: I'll be waiting.
Boss: Oh, right, I forgot... Let's just move on.
- Store Hack (Nobody Wants Me in Ocean View)
Kinzie: Don't worry, this is the last Friendly Fire in the city.
Boss: Good. Steelport had so many.
Kinzie: But it did make it easier to get ammo and weapons while on the run.
Boss: True.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in The Slums)
Kinzie: You know, for a neighbourhood populated by fast food restaurants and diners, I'm surprised the customers are so... healthy.
Boss: There is an Imagine A Design right on the corner.
Kinzie: Oh, well let's get a piece of that action then.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Fast Fried)
- Reward: Kinzie FBI Tank Top
Hack The Hacker:
Kinzie: We're almost there. We own nearly all the stores in the city.
Boss: Alright, not sure if that'll get us into Heaven, but at least it gives us some control of Purgatory.
Kinzie: Don't worry, I've made sure this is all good for us.
Boss: Then let's finish this.
- Store Hack (Rusty's Needle in Pub Crawl)
Kinzie: You remember all those times you went to the beach in Stilwater?
Boss: And the best outfits I could wear were so basic and boring?... Yeah?
Kinzie: Well, you still have the chance to "wow" Purgatory thanks to Sunova Beach.
Boss: Let's do it.
- Store Hack (Sunova Beach in Hell's View Boardwalk)
Kinzie: It's time to steal the secret to all the Red Light girls looking their best.
Boss: Hey, what's you're secret to looking so good?
Kinzie: I'm flattered but I don't have a secret.
Boss: So you just always look that good?
Kinzie: You know my hair is greasy and I wear the same outfit every day, right?
Boss: And yet you still look so...
Kinzie: Stop patronising me.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Red Light Waterfront)
Kinzie: Hey, no luck finding any Rim Jobs garages in this city, but I did find Donnie's.
Boss: Huh, guess that'll have to do then.
Kinzie: I have no idea who will be defending his garage when you get there, so... Good luck.
Boss: Probably Westside Rollerz, or Brotherhood thugs, or something.
- Store Hack ( Donnie's in Den of the Damned)
- Reward: Donnie's Homie Quest
Kinzie: Ok, last store, and it's my favorite one... Hey, how did you get in here... Wait, what the...
Boss: Kinzie?
Kinzie: (Mumbled cry for help)
Boss: Uh... Do I still go to Leather & Lace? I'm not sure what this means.
- Store Hack & Kinzie Rescue (Leather & Lace in Red Light Waterfront)
- Reward: Kinzie Teacup
Dominant Submission:
Boss: I'm almost afraid to ask what you have in store for me today.
Kinzie: Why?
Boss: Well after what I saw at Leather & Lace, not to mention the Pony Cart ride too, I'm not so sure I want to go further down that rabbit hole.
Kinzie: Would you prefer a "kitten" hole?
Boss: "Let's Pretend" I didn't hear that.
Kinzie: Ok, enough of the puns, this time I'm just here to help you take over Purgatory.
Boss: Finally.
Kinzie: We'll start with
Kinzie:
- Heli Assault/Guardian Angel Level 1
- Reward:
And much more coming soon
I'm writing this in intervals whenever I get the time, but this time I want to finish this one, because I aim to prove that a decent Saints Row game can still be made, and not stray to far from it's roots, while also incorporating aspests of more resent games in the series... Not much from the reboot though.
Brief Description:
After the events of GOOH. Gat is now ruler of Hell, and the remaining Saints and Jezebel are in search of a new home. Unfortunately, one remaining Zin Ship hunts them down and blows up their ship. The Saints... Are dead, and their journey would be over, but they awake in Purgatory. Curious about why they're not in either Heaven or Hell, they are greeted by Lin and Carlos representing Heaven, with Gat and Vogel representing Hell. They explain that because of their "unique" journey from murderous street thugs, to avenging Earth, God and Gat are unable to assign them a fate, so they have decided to assign a fate based on what they do while in Purgatory. And so their final chapter has begun.
Purgatory:
The city of Purgatory was created when Earth was destroyed. Since there were too many new applicants for Heaven and Hell to process, people started to make a living right here in Purgatory.
There are two islands, one north and one south. They are both made up of several districts.
North Island:
This entire island has a slightly heavenly atmosphere to it.
Sanctuary:
Once a vibrant woodland forest full of unique and loveable creatures... Until the Nuclear Plant was built. This district takes up most of the West side of the island.
- Robin Wood
- Stonefalls
- Rodriguez Reactors
Heaven's Gate Beach:
This is the main beach on the North Island, on the North side of the island and has a nice view of Heaven's Golden Gates.
- Beach View Apartments
- Heavenly Hotels
- Heaven's Gate Theme Park
Downtown Purgatory:
Even in the afterlife, you still can't escape those overcrowded sidewalks and rush hour traffic. This cramped collection of towers and office buildings sits in the Centre and South section of the island.
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital
- Purgatory Radio Station
The Pit:
A mining quarry that was used to see if Purgatory had any minable resources... It did not... Which kinda begs the question of how this city was even built in the first place. This district takes up the East side of the island.
- Doug's Construction Company
- North Island Docks
- Abandoned Quarry
South Island:
This entire island has a slightly hellish atmosphere to it.
Suburbs:
Affordable housing comes with the price of living in the sinful half of the city. This district takes up the West side of the island.
- The Slums
- Ocean View
- High Ground
Purgatory Canal:
Spread wide across the North side of the island, this district offers nightclubs, bars, strip clubs, a big arena and lots of other attractions that are both entertaining but sinful.
- The Vogel Dome
- Red Light Waterfront
- Pub Crawl
Ultor Compound:
Gotta house those warehouses and factories somewhere. This district takes up the Central part of the island.
- Ultor Storage
- Ultor Labs
- Ultor Test grounds
Hell's Drop Beach:
This is the main beach on the South Island, on the South side of the island and has a sudden drop straight to Hell in place of the water. There's even a boardwalk that extends out over the pit to Hell to give you a view of your life in Hell.
- Ultor Casino Strip
- Hellish Hotels
- Hell's View Boardwalk
Overflow:
Hell didn't process these applicants fast enough, now they've created their own slice of Hell in Purgatory. This district takes up the East side of the island.
- Vogel's Estate
- Den of the Damned
- Fast Fried
Stores:
Leather & Lace:
The number one clothing store for both demons and angels alike.
Locations in:
- Red Light Waterfront
Let's Pretend:
Because it just wouldn't be Saints Row if you couldn't go on a killing spree as some wacky mascot.
Locations in:
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
Nobody Wants Me:
Well both Heaven and Hell said no, and that's why you're in Purgatory.
Locations in:
- Ocean View
Planet Purgatory:
Don't worry, it's not all white robes and fuzzy slippers.
Locations in:
- Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital
- The Vogel Dome
Branded:
Because even in the afterlife, everything is... Branded.
Locations in:
- Heaven's Gate Theme Park
Impressions:
You do wanna look your best, right?
Locations in:
- Purgatory Radio Station
Sunova Beach:
Finally a place to purchase quality beachwear.
Locations in:
- Hell's View Boardwalk
Donnie's:
Sorry, no Rim Jobs or Jim Robs, we're giving Donnie the spotlight for this one.
Locations in:
- Beach View Apartments
- Abandoned Quarry
- High Ground
- Den of the Damned
Friendly Fire:
Is there any better way to get the latest and greatest in self defence weaponry?
Locations in:
- Robin Wood
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- The Slums
- Ultor Test grounds
Brass Harps:
Hey, we just sell Heavenly decorations, if you choose to use them as melee weapons, that's your business.
Locations in:
- Clouds Fare Shopping Centre
- Ultor Test grounds
Solar Power:
Heavenly vehicles at Hellish prices.
Locations in:
- Purgatory Radio Station
- The Vogel Dome
Rusty's Needle:
Gotta get those Purgatory tats.
Locations in:
- North Island Docks
- Pub Crawl
Imagine A Design:
It's the afterlife, why not change your looks?
Locations in:
- Stonefalls
- Doug's Construction Company
- Red Light Waterfront
- Fast Fried
Cribs:
Storage Unit 31:
With no empire and nowhere to live, Dane is kind enough to give the Saints a Storage Warehouse in Ultor Storage. It's big enough for all of them to claim a space and even make improvements and expansions as they rebuild their empire. They have an attached Garage to access collected vehicles. After a few upgrades, there will be a Helipad on the rooftop to access collected helicopters and jets.
South Island Docks:
Mainly a place to store collected boats, but there is a small Storage Unit that the Boss has converted into a living space, and also has a parking space to access collected vehicles. This Crib is in The Slums.
Sinners Suite:
The Heron Hotel has returned, they now have a Hotel in the North Beach, and the South Beach. This is the South Beach Penthouse in Hellish Hotels. It has a "Hellish" view... These puns are getting so overused in this game. A parking space out front for collected vehicles, and a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets.
North Island Docks:
Mainly a place to store collected boats, but there is a small Storage Unit that the Boss has converted into a living space, and also has a parking space to access collected vehicles. This Crib is in North Island Docks.
Saints Suite:
The Heron Hotel has returned, they now have a Hotel in the North Beach, and the South Beach. This is the North Beach Penthouse in Heavenly Hotels. It has a "Heavenly" view... Seriously why did I pick the Heaven vs Hell theme? A parking space out front for collected vehicles, and a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets.
Rodriguez Reactors:
This is obviously a Campaign earned Crib after defeating "The Fallen Brothers" Arc. The Nuke Plant is demolished and replaced with a Saints Tower with included penthouse. There's an underground Garage for collected vehicles, a Helipad on the rooftop for collected helis and jets, and a Docking Port for collected boats.
Upgrade System:
Homies & Outfits:
Aisha:
3rd Street Celebrity
Asha Odekar:
MI6
3rd Street Formal
Bloodlust
Mercykill
Benjamin King:
Vice Kings
Chief of Staff
Hell Kings
Heaven Kings
Carlos Mendoza:
3rd Street Saints
Shoulder Angel
Dane Vogel:
Ultor
Shoulder Demon
Dexter "Dex" Jackson:
3rd Street Saints
Donnie (Vehicle Delivery):
Westside Rollerz
Brotherhood
ETD
Jezebel:
Satan's Daughter
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Demon
3rd Street Angel
Johnny Gat:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Johnny Satan
Julius Little:
3rd Street Saints
Kinzie Kensington:
Ponygirl
FBI Jacket
Kinky Kitten
FBI Tank Top
Teacup
Demonic Dom
Saintly Sub
Lin:
Westside Rollerz
3rd Street Saints
God's Messenger
Luz Avalos:
Los Carnales
Matt Miller:
Deckers
3rd Street Formal
Mod Lord
Hack Lord
Pierce Washington:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Paul
Heaven's PR Manager
Shaundi:
3rd Street Saints
3rd Street Celebrity
Violet Vixen
Heavenly Hippie
Tammy Tolliver:
Channel 6 News
Veteran Child:
Sons of Samedi
Purgatory Radio
Zimos:
Steelport Pimp
Safe word Pony
Hell's Pimp
Heaven's Romance Manager
Weapons:
Vehicles:
Gangs/Factions:
The Fallen Brothers:
Led by Maero and Victor Rodriguez
Queen of Sins:
Led by Tanya Winters
Ex-Gen:
Led by Mr. Sunshine
Angels of the North:
An angelic task force assigned to patrol the north half of Purgatory
Demons of the South:
A demonic task force assigned to patrol the south half of Purgatory
Bad/Good Deeds: (Activities)
Insurance Fraud/Safety Test:
Mayhem/Demolition:
Escort/Tour Guide:
Heli Assault/Guardian Angel:
Trafficking/Repentance:
Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing:
Snatch/Saviour:
Fight Club/Proving Grounds:
Demo Derby/Crash Test:
Favors: (Diversions)
Streamlined Processing:
God and Gat have too many applicants to process. So they invented a gun that lets you decide whether you want to send someone to Heaven, or doom them in Hell. (Essentially the new iteration of Hitman/Assassinations, but with game effecting results)
Store Hacks:
Just like in SRTT & SRIV, stores can be hacked to gain discounts and income. But your job is to defend the store while Kinzie hacks them.
Chop Shop:
I mean, I really don't need to explain this one, it is what it is. It's a feature that just seems to work in every Saints Row game, so why not bring it back?
Lost Harps:
The angels need to be more careful with their harps, they keep accidentally dropping them down into Purgatory. They've finally lost enough of them that God is refusing to replace them, Lin would appreciate it if you could hunt them out and collect for her (Collectibles basically)
Demon Survival:
Who keeps summoning Demons into Purgatory? Just fight them off until Gat can close the portals to stop them coming through. (New iterations of the Wave, Timed, and Kill Count Survivals)
Payback:
The Saints managed to get jobs protecting local businesses from the Gangs of Purgatory, but these businesses sometimes need a little "reminder" to pay their protection money.
Tagging:
If the Saints are going to live in Purgatory for while, they may as well make their mark on the land.
Pony Cart Service:
Sometimes all you have to do is give people a nice ride through the city in a horse and cart... Or a Zimos and Cart. But keep the enemy Gang's Pony Carts from ruining your customer's experience.
Homie Quests:
All conversations are phone calls between the Boss and the specific Homie.
Asha's Mission:
Boss: What's up?
Asha: For a place that's supposed to be a neutral ground until your fate is decided, there's a lot of corruption going on.
Boss: Have you ever met the human race before?
Asha: I just feel like we could clean this place up a little, you know?
Boss: Well, if you've got any suggestions, I'm all ears.
Asha: Ok then, lets start off with one of those Demon Portals, those are causing a lot of chaos for the city.
- Demon Survival
Asha: Are you in the mood for a fight?
Boss: Excuse you?
Asha: Not with me, the Proving Grounds are holding a competition to see who is worthy of a VIP ticket to Heaven.
Boss: You don't want it yourself?
Asha: Well, I could take it, but I'm pretty sure I don't need one to get into Heaven, you though...?
Boss: Very funny, if I win, you can have the ticket, I'm getting into Heaven my own way.
Asha: How very generous of you.
Boss: Yeah, that's why I'm doing this... Just make sure you don't lose the ticket.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 1
- Reward: Asha Homie (in MI6 outfit)
Asha: Look, I don't normally approve of this type of behaviour, but the pawn shop still has not payed my protection money, and it's way overdue.
Boss: I'll take care of it.
Asha: Just don't kill them, yeah?
- Payback
Asha: I think I've located a Lost Harp, if the angels get their harps back I'm sure the heavenly music will calm the streets of Purgatory.
Boss: I'm on it.
- Lost Harps
Asha: I don't understand it myself, but if it keeps the citizens in a positive state of mind, then who am I to stop them.
Boss: I'll call Zimos.
- Pony Cart Service
Asha: It's round 2 of the Proving Grounds. Are you ready?
Boss: Oh, that's today, I completely forgot.
Asha: What!?
Boss: (Laughs) Got you. I'm always ready for a fight.
Asha: Very funny, just try not to die.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 2
- Reward: Asha 3rd Street Formal
Asha: Looks like Tammy Tolliver is on the Streamlined Processing list... Let's see what fate you think she deserves?
Boss: Oh god. You're gonna judge me for this, I just know it.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Tammy Tolliver Homie
Asha: That car looks so familiar, would you mind recovering it for me?
Boss: I'm not sure about this. You don't have the best history with vehicles.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: MI6 Justice
Asha: Ok, I'm giving you this canvas to improve morale for this city, don't make things worse.
Boss: For you, I'll "Saint-ify" that wall with my best work.
Asha: Oh dear, what have done?
- Tagging
Asha: Final round. Are you sure you're ready this time?
Boss: That ticket is ours.
- Fight Club/Proving Grounds Level 3
Asha: I found another portal, would you mind kicking the demons back through it?
Boss: I'm on my way.
- Demon Survival
Asha: Wow, the city is looking better already.
Boss: You're welcome.
Asha: Listen, I picked out a new outfit for my new life in Purgatory, I hope it looks good.
- Reward: Asha Bloodlust or Mercykill (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Vice Kings The Game:
Boss: So... Gonna try for a new book here in Purgatory?
King: Nah, even better. This time I'm going for a video game.
Boss: Why?
King: Why not, my books flew off the shelves like donuts in a precinct. So at this point I can create anything and the fans will buy it.
Boss: Oh god, here we go again.
King: Hey, let's get the fans attention with an eye-catching canvas.
Boss: This seems like a really bad idea.
- Tagging
King: Ok, let's make a trailer that shows a lot of action with very little context.
Boss: Are you at least going to tell them the name of the game?
King: Sure, I'll add it at the end.
Boss: Oh dear.
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 1
- Reward: King Homie (in Chief of Staff outfit)
King: Ok, the fans seem confused.
Boss: I wonder why?
King: Maybe we should showcase some actual gameplay or something.
Boss: Good, now you're on the right track.
King: I'm thinking somethin' small, with lots of gunfire and explosions.
Boss: Oh dear.
- Payback
King: The fans want more.
Boss: Of course they do. You've shown them nothing.
King: Well, let's give them some character profiles or something. I think Julius is around here somewhere, go talk to him.
Boss: F*ck me!
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Julius Little Homie
King: Ok, let's showcase something that seems like a big part of the game, but turns out to be a very minimal feature.
Boss: You have got to be kidding me.
- Lost Harps
King: They want another trailer.
Boss: Good, this time we sh...
King: I'll just reuse most of the first trailer, with like, 10% new footage.
Boss: Can I quit?
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 2
- Reward: King Vice Kings
King: We're losing the fans! Quick, let's get some fan service in there!
Boss: (Sigh)
- Pony Cart Service
King: Ok, let's show 'em some real gameplay.
Boss: Finally.
King: Like a Diversion or something.
Boss: F*ck!
- Demon Survival
King: Uh... I'm running out of ideas here, let's show off some Chop Shop gameplay.
Boss: Why?
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Tanya's Status Quo
King: Ok, one more trailer, then I'll just have to let the game speak for itself.
Boss: Ok, but this time...
King: 5% new footage.
Boss: Why do I bother?
- Trail Blazing/Cupid's Blazing Level 3
King: Ok, I think I can save the game.
Boss: Please do tell me what amazing idea you have to save this game?
King: Cut it up and sell the cut parts as DLC.
Boss: F*ck this, I'm just gonna go kill some demons.
- Demon Survival
Boss: So, how did it go?
King: Bad, but maybe I can recoup some of my losses by selling one of my old outfits. I just hope Purgatory has some nice threads on offer.
- Reward: King Hell Kings or Heaven Kings (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Donnie's Discount:
Boss: So, you've made a living here in Purgatory?
Donnie: Well, it's either go to Hell and deal with Maero and Sharp, or go to Heaven and deal with Lin.
Boss: I thought you and Lin had something going on?
Donnie: Yeah, but after you killed Maero, I moved to Steelport and started seeing someone new.
Boss: And her name was...?
Donnie: Uh, Kiki something.
Boss: Oh my god, Kiki DeWynter, she's in Hell, Gat told me about her.
Donnie: Ok listen, if you promise to keep this between us, I'll help you take over Purgatory.
Boss: You got a deal.
Donnie: Ok, first things first though. Jessica refuses to pay for the repairs I did to her car, so the car is mine until she pays.
Boss: I'm on it.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Jessica's Phoenix
Donnie: Maero's crew are attacking my garage!
Boss: I'll be right there.
- Store Hack (Donnie's in High Ground)
- Reward: Donnie Homie (in Westside Rollerz outfit)
Donnie: Hey, does that street look familiar to you?
Boss: I've seen a lot of streets Donnie.
Donnie: Yeah, but this one seems... Wait, is that a Westside Rollerz tag?
Boss: Oh god... Not this shit again.
- Tagging (Re-enactment of "The Streets Of Stilwater" cutscene, but this time the Boss steps in and fights all 3 gangs, then completes the tag)
- Reward: Vice Kings Gang Customization
- Reward: Westside Rollerz Gang Customization
- Reward: Los Carnales Gang Customization
Donnie: Uh, some guy just came into my garage and asked if I offered "Pony Cart rides"?
Boss: Oh you sweet innocent soul, send him my way.
- Pony Cart Service
Donnie: I found one of the demon portals, Gat told me to call you.
Boss: Let's have some fun.
- Demon Survival
Donnie: Tanya's crew are all over my garage!
Boss: Yeah yeah, I'll be there soon.
- Store Hack (Donnie's in Beach View Apartments)
- Reward: Donnie Brotherhood
Donnie: You think maybe Lin will forgive me if I help her find her Harps?
Boss: Not likely, but if you've found one, it would really help me out a lot.
- Lost Harps
Donnie: Found another demon portal.
Boss: Murder time, fun time.
- Demon Survival
Donnie: So there's a rival garage moonlighting as a pawn shop. They think I haven't noticed them, but I know what's going on. Think you could run them out of business?
Boss: It would be my pleasure.
- Payback
Donnie: So, the rival garage must have known my location, they sent Sunshine's crew after me!
Boss: Don't panic, I'll be there soon.
- Store Hack & Donnie Rescue (Donnie's in Abandoned Quarry)
Donnie: Looks like Luz got stuck in the queue for processing. Wanna give her a hand?
Boss: Well, it would give us a chance to catch up.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Luz Homie
Donnie: I gotta admit, being on the Saints side has really been a positive experience compared to my time in the Rollerz and Brotherhood.
Boss: I did give you the option to join the Saints.
Donnie: Yeah, but then you got blown up on a yacht and the rest of the crew got wiped out.
Boss: Yeah, but did you really think that would stop us from rising again... And again... And ag...
Donnie: Ok I get it. So is it too late to join the Saints?
Boss: It's never too late to join the Saints.
- Reward: Donnie ETD
Jezebel's New Path:
Boss: Hi Jez, what's up?
Jez: I can't go back to New Hades. I'm finally free to choose my own path, and I wanna make it into Heaven.
Boss: Well, that's what this life's all about. I'll follow your lead, just tell me where to start.
Jez: Well, I know Lin's still missing a few Harps, I think I found one somewhere, just let me check.
- Lost Harps
Jez: I want to help save as many people as possible, and I know just how to do it.
Boss: I'm all ears.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 1
- Reward: Jezebel Homie (in Satan's Daughter outfit)
Jez: Surely some inspirational wall art won't stop me from getting into Heaven, right?
Boss: There's only one way to find out.
- Tagging
Jez: It looks like Aisha wanted to visit Gat in Hell, but she couldn't get past the line of the "soon to be" damned. I doubt she wants to be stuck in Purgatory, so either send her back to Heaven, or send her down to Gat, it's up to you.
Boss: You think she'd get a VIP pass or something.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Aisha Homie
Jez: Ooh, is that an Attrazione? I've always wanted one of those.
Boss: To take it would be stealing.
Jez: I'm pretty sure it's already stolen.
Boss: well, if you're sure.
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Price's Attrazione
Jez: Ready to convert the citizens of Purgatory again?
Boss: You make it sound so "preachy" when you say it like that.
Jez: Still?
Boss: I'm on my way.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 2
- Reward: Jezebel 3rd Street Saints
Jez: Oh god! Dex is leading a group of demons through a portal!
Boss: I'm on it!
- Demon Survival (Featuring Dex)
Jez: Uh, my pawn shop didn't pay my protection money, what do I do?
Boss: I'll take care of it, just don't ask how I do it.
Jez: Thanks.
- Payback
Jez: Aw, that's cute, there's a pony riding service in Purgatory, can I go for a pony ride?
Boss: Uh... I don't think it's what you think it is.
Jez: So... You don't get to ride a pony?
Boss: Geez, for someone born and raised in Hell, you sure seem to have a certain level of innocence to you.
- Pony Cart Service (featuring Jezebel as the passenger)
Jez: I've got one more chance to save as many citizens as I can, will you help me please?
Boss: Sure thing.
- Trafficking/Repentance Level 3
Jez: Dex is back again.
Boss: Not for long.
- Demon Survival (Featuring Dex)
Jez: Hey, I got myself a new look, What do you think?
- Reward: Jezebel 3rd Street Demon or 3rd Street Angel (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Gat or Lin?:
Gat: Hey Playa, we gotta talk.
Lin: Yeah, this is really important.
Boss: Ok.
Gat: You're in charge of your own fate, and we can't change that. But unfortunately only one of us can "hang out" with you in Purgatory.
Boss: Oh.
Lin: Yeah, so that will be decided by how you complete our set of tasks we have for you.
Boss: And there's no way to have you both join me here?
Gat: Nope... Not unless someone is able to "modify" Purgatory's rules in some way.
Boss: Ok then, where do we begin?
Lin: I think I've found one of the missing harps, but it's deep in demon territory, would you mind retrieving it for me?
- Lost Harps
Gat: So we've already gave you that gun to decide people's fate, but this method will allow you to process multiple people at one time. Don't have too much fun.
Boss: Let's do it.
- Snatch/Saviour Level 1
- Reward: Lin Homie (in Westside Rollerz outfit) or Gat Homie (in 3rd Street Saints outfit) (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Lin: I don't know who thinks it's funny to keep opening these portals, but it's not making our jobs any easier. Could you help Gat close it please?
- Demon Survival
Gat: Listen, I agreed to keep this pawn shop in business, so long as they kept paying me. But I'm still waiting on my payment, if you can't "convince" them to pay with cash, then they can pay with their souls.
- Payback
Lin: Don't ask me how, but someone in Purgatory stole one of Heaven's chariots (Unique The Job). Think you can get it back for me? I'll even let you borrow it as a reward.
Boss: Heaven yes!
- Chop Shop
- Reward: Heaven's Chariot
Gat: More people to process.
- Snatch/Saviour Level 2
- Reward: Lin 3rd Street Saints or Gat 3rd Street Celebrity (Depending on which version of the Activity was completed)
Lin: Well since you're determined to take over Purgatory before moving on, here's a wall you can tag for the Saints.
Boss: I'll get my spray paint.
- Tagging
Gat: I found my missing demons, could you help me close the portal?
- Demon Survival
Lin: How did I end up with this task?
Gat: We flipped a coin.
Lin: Fine, just call Zimos and "saddle up". I'm supposed to represent Heaven, I can't be associated with this.
Boss: What are you two talking about?
- Pony Cart Service
Gat: I got the last group of people to process... I probably should have pointed out that this system was still in beta, and not all people may have deserved the fate you chose at the start of this quest.
Boss: you're f*cking with me, right?
- Snatch/Saviour Level 3
Lin: Ok, looks like I found another...
Gat: Hold up Lin, we got a problem.
Boss: What's up?
Gat: Dex escaped Hell and is roaming around Purgatory. You gotta stop him.
Boss: How do I send him back to Hell?
Gat: Use the gun we gave you.
Lin: Just don't send him to Heaven, I don't need that much paperwork right now.
- Streamlined Processing
- Reward: Dex Homie
Gat: Ok, my bad. I totally f*cked up the group processing idea, so... I guess you do get to hang out with both of us.
Lin: See you in Purgatory.
- Rewards: Lin & Gat Homies (with all outfits)
Self Reflection:
Boss: Hey Kinzie, just wanted to check in with you. I know you probably weren't prepared for this eventuality.
Kinzie: Well... Yeah. I was so invested in technology and science, that I didn't even consider the idea of an "afterlife". I'm totally lost. For once in my life I'm not in control, I don't have my technology, and I have to alter my behaviour if I want to go to heaven.
Boss: No you don't.
Kinzie: Uh, I'm pretty sure I do.
Boss: No, it's not about believing in religion over science, or being a "good" person, all you have to do is live a life worth living by your own standards.
Kinzie: So, as long as I feel as though my life had meaning, then I'm doing it right?
Boss: Yes.
Kinzie: Then it's time to let Kinzie be Kinzie.
Boss: Oh, this may have been a mistake.
- Pony Cart Service (featuring Kinzie as the Ponygirl)
Kinzie: Ok, I've built a computer and designed an operating system, it's time for me to get back in the game.
Boss: Oh, not that MMO you always play, World of Legends was it?
Kinzie: No, I mean it's time to hack into all the stores in Purgatory giving us shares and discounts to give us more income.
Boss: Woah, I'm not sure that's entirely what I meant by...
Kinzie: All the current stockholders are thugs and ruthless businessmen... So it's not entirely unjustified to give these people a lesson on humility.
Boss: Wow, you've really thought this through.
Kinzie: Yep, now let's start off with Brass Harps.
Boss: You hack, while I defend?
Kinzie: Yep, it's a biker gang, so just don't let them kidnap me.
Boss: You know you'd love it.
- Store Hack (Brass Harps in Ultor Test Grounds)
Kinzie: I gotta ask, why did you never put up gang tags in Steelport?
Boss: Well, as celebrities, we felt it was beneath us. Why put up tags when we could put up billboards, and stores in our brand?
Kinzie: Well, it's time to start over and go back to basics.
Boss: You know, at this point it almost feels nostalgic.
- Tagging
Kinzie: Here's a name you're familiar with, especially after Virtual Steelport.
Boss: Let me guess, "Friendly Fire"?
Kinzie: Yep.
Boss: I just hope there's not a lot of them in this city too.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Ultor Test Grounds)
Kinzie: I know Lin is still looking for her lost Harps, so I used the traffic cameras to hunt one down.
Boss: It seems like you've got your groove back Kinzie.
Kinzie: You know it.
- Lost Harps
Kinzie: Thanks for the help, and uh, I've decided to take your advice on "living my life by my standards"... So uh, since we're in the afterlife already, I've got an outfit I've always wanted to wear outdoors.
Boss: You lived in Steelport, people wore this stuff in public all the time.
Kinzie: Yeah, but now that I'm dead, I don't need to talk if I don't want to.
Boss: Oh, you're wearing the ball gag, at least I'll get some peace and quiet then.
- Reward: Kinzie Homie (in Ponygirl outfit)
Hack & Slash:
Kinzie: Ok, hacking the stores in the Ultor Test Grounds was just the beginning.
Boss: Oh no. I feel another Virtual Steelport flashback coming on... It's just a simulation, just a simulation.
Kinzie: Relax. We're both dead now, so this is not another simulation, it's a life between the overworld and the afterlife, that raises questions that simply can't be answered without destroying the entire concept of existence.
Boss: I take it back, this is not a simulation, it's a f*cking nightmare!
Kinzie: Just calm down and hack this store for me.
- Store Hack (Rusty's Needle in North Island Docks)
Kinzie: How would you like a discount on the best vehicles this city has to offer?
Boss: Sounds great... But I still need the money to afford them in first place.
Kinzie: Well, at least the discount will be there when you have the money to buy them.
Boss: Well, I guess it is good to think ahead.
- Store Hack (Solar Power in Purgatory Radio Station)
Kinzie: Well, not that I advocate having affordable rifles in a nature preserve...
Boss: I think the nuke plant already wiped out the wildlife in there.
Kinzie: Then let's make Victor Rodriguez pay with his share of Friendly Fire.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Robin Wood)
Kinzie: Not that I'm suggesting anything, but... Here's an Imagine A Design to hack.
Boss: (Sarcastic) Thanks for the confidence boost Kinzie.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Stonefalls)
Kinzie: You're here to make an impression right?
Boss: Yeah?
Kinzie: Well... Here's a clothing store to hack.
Boss: Oh come on, you missed a chance for several "Impressions" puns there.
Kinzie: Just hack the store.
- Store Hack (Impressions in Purgatory Radio Station)
- Reward: Kinzie FBI Jacket
Hacker Heaven:
Kinzie: Well, let's see if we can rebrand Planet Purgatory to Planet Saints.
Boss: Wait... We can do that?
Kinzie: If you help me hack into it, sure.
Boss: Damn, bringing the Saints brand into Purgatory, I like the sound of that.
Kinzie: Well, just keep Tanya's thugs from interfering and Planet Purgatory will be ours.
- Store Hack (Planet Purgatory in Dr. Gonzales Afterlife Hospital)
Kinzie: Have you ever noticed that Doug's construction workers all look like clones?
Boss: You think it has something to do with the Imagine A Design in their Neighbourhood?
Kinzie: My thoughts exactly.
Boss: You think Doug's workers will try to stop you from hacking the store?
Kinzie: Think you can handle it?
Boss: Piece of cake.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Doug's Construction Company)
Kinzie: Ok, the Clouds Fare Shopping Centre is a gold mine for owning shares of popular stores.
Boss: Who'll be trying to stop us?
Kinzie: For Brass Harps you'll need to watch out for the Angels of the North.
Boss: Got it.
- Store Hack (Brass Harps in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
Kinzie: Let's take Friendly Fire from the Demons of the South.
Boss: Woah, I thought they were exclusive to the south island?
Kinzie: Not when it comes to store investments.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
Kinzie: Uh... Looks like you'll be up against mascots and furries for this store.
Boss: (Sarcastic) Oh fun.
Kinzie: Just don't let the furries defeat you, otherwise you'll become one.
Boss: How do you know that?
Kinzie: Let's just focus on the store please.
- Store Hack (Let's Pretend in Clouds Fare Shopping Centre)
- Kinzie in the Kinky Kitten outfit
Hacked Up:
Kinzie: Ok, we've got one more store left on the North Island before we move onto the South Island.
Boss: What is it? A Friendly Fire? Planet Purgatory? Imagine A Design?
Kinzie: No, actually it's Branded.
Boss: Oh, wow... That's a name I haven't heard since Stilwater. I wonder if they still sell those Canvas Pants?
- Store Hack (Branded in Heaven's Gate Theme Park)
Kinzie: Let's start this island with Solar Power.
Boss: Doesn't Vogel own that dealership?
Kinzie: Nope. He owns the dome, but not the dealership. Maero owns this one.
Boss: Oh great. It was bad enough fighting Ex-Gen over Solar Power.
Kinzie: Try not to...
Boss: Die? You know that's impossible right?
Kinzie: Ok, but you will respawn at the nearest hospital and lose your progress with the current objective.
Boss: So there's just no 4th wall at all anymore.
Kinzie: Yeah, reality is definitely an illusion for us now.
- Store Hack (Solar Power in The Vogel Dome)
Kinzie: Wanna go shopping?
Boss: Kinzie, be honest. Do you not want me anymore?
Kinzie: What, just because I'm sending you to a store named "Nobody Wants You"?
Boss: It's "Me", "Nobody Wants Me".
Kinzie: That's what I said.
Boss: Kinzie, when we're done here, I'm going to torture you.
Kinzie: I'll be waiting.
Boss: Oh, right, I forgot... Let's just move on.
- Store Hack (Nobody Wants Me in Ocean View)
Kinzie: Don't worry, this is the last Friendly Fire in the city.
Boss: Good. Steelport had so many.
Kinzie: But it did make it easier to get ammo and weapons while on the run.
Boss: True.
- Store Hack (Friendly Fire in The Slums)
Kinzie: You know, for a neighbourhood populated by fast food restaurants and diners, I'm surprised the customers are so... healthy.
Boss: There is an Imagine A Design right on the corner.
Kinzie: Oh, well let's get a piece of that action then.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Fast Fried)
- Reward: Kinzie FBI Tank Top
Hack The Hacker:
Kinzie: We're almost there. We own nearly all the stores in the city.
Boss: Alright, not sure if that'll get us into Heaven, but at least it gives us some control of Purgatory.
Kinzie: Don't worry, I've made sure this is all good for us.
Boss: Then let's finish this.
- Store Hack (Rusty's Needle in Pub Crawl)
Kinzie: You remember all those times you went to the beach in Stilwater?
Boss: And the best outfits I could wear were so basic and boring?... Yeah?
Kinzie: Well, you still have the chance to "wow" Purgatory thanks to Sunova Beach.
Boss: Let's do it.
- Store Hack (Sunova Beach in Hell's View Boardwalk)
Kinzie: It's time to steal the secret to all the Red Light girls looking their best.
Boss: Hey, what's you're secret to looking so good?
Kinzie: I'm flattered but I don't have a secret.
Boss: So you just always look that good?
Kinzie: You know my hair is greasy and I wear the same outfit every day, right?
Boss: And yet you still look so...
Kinzie: Stop patronising me.
- Store Hack (Imagine A Design in Red Light Waterfront)
Kinzie: Hey, no luck finding any Rim Jobs garages in this city, but I did find Donnie's.
Boss: Huh, guess that'll have to do then.
Kinzie: I have no idea who will be defending his garage when you get there, so... Good luck.
Boss: Probably Westside Rollerz, or Brotherhood thugs, or something.
- Store Hack ( Donnie's in Den of the Damned)
- Reward: Donnie's Homie Quest
Kinzie: Ok, last store, and it's my favorite one... Hey, how did you get in here... Wait, what the...
Boss: Kinzie?
Kinzie: (Mumbled cry for help)
Boss: Uh... Do I still go to Leather & Lace? I'm not sure what this means.
- Store Hack & Kinzie Rescue (Leather & Lace in Red Light Waterfront)
- Reward: Kinzie Teacup
Dominant Submission:
Boss: I'm almost afraid to ask what you have in store for me today.
Kinzie: Why?
Boss: Well after what I saw at Leather & Lace, not to mention the Pony Cart ride too, I'm not so sure I want to go further down that rabbit hole.
Kinzie: Would you prefer a "kitten" hole?
Boss: "Let's Pretend" I didn't hear that.
Kinzie: Ok, enough of the puns, this time I'm just here to help you take over Purgatory.
Boss: Finally.
Kinzie: We'll start with
Kinzie:
- Heli Assault/Guardian Angel Level 1
- Reward:
And much more coming soon
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